• • •

Shades of Grey: Osaka Visiting
By Icka! M. Chif

• • •

"-So the pet owner sells this customer a dead parrot and when customer brings it back, the guy tries to convince the customer that it's not dead, it's just taking a na-aaaack!" The can of cola Kuroba had been attempting to open as he tried to explain Monty Python's 'Dead Parrot' sketch to the girls erupted in his hands, spraying the sticky confection into the air.

They all scattered to avoid the spray, laughing as they did so. Kuroba looked less than pleased as the sticky cola coated the top of his head, glueing his otherwise spiky hair to his scalp.

"Mayhaps we should explain the 'Self-defense against Fresh Fruit' skit next." Hakuba commented blandly as the girls giggled and grinned in sympathy.

"You're just happy it didn't happen to you." Aoko teased as she hid behind Koizumi's slender figure. The teasing expression turned puzzled after a moment. "Although, this kind of thing almost never happens to Kaito..."

"Just lucky that way I guess." Kuroba commented ruefully, one hand reaching up to pat his wet slicked hair. "Wonder if this is some sort of karmic payback for something wrong I did..."

That was a straight line if Hakuba had ever heard one. However, he was beaten to the punch by a a very confused Osaka accent. "Kudo?"

The four of them turned to face a dark skinned teenager looking at them in confusion from under the bill of a baseball cap. Hakuba stared back in confusion and recognition. "Hattori-kun? Is everything all right?"

Kuroba ran a hand through his hair, spiking the sticky hair up slightly. "Sorry, who?"

Hakuba had to give him points for a smooth cover up. Kuroba was probably aware of his similarity to the Detective of the East, he certainly teased the shrunken detective enough as the Kid, but this half of his life wouldn't be aware of it. Certainly not in front of the girls.

The Detective of the West shook his head, hands resting in his pockets. "Sorry. Ya looked like a friend of mine fer a second."

"Ah! Hattori-kun!" Aoko chirped, taking her handkerchief out of her pocket and rubbing Kuroba's wet hair in a sisterly fashion with it, messing up the hair further. "Good to see you again! How is Kazuha-chan?"

"As annoyin' as ever." Hattori relaxed slightly at the change in conversation. "She's fine, hangin' out with some friends o'er in Beika right now."

Alarm bells went off in Hakuba's head.

The shrunken chibi detective lived in Beika.

A hypothesis began to form in his head. If he was right, this would explain why things had been getting a more than a little awkward around the Kaitou Kid Task Force for the past week or so. It hadn't been anything obvious, but he had been aware of more than his usual share of sideways looks and muttered comments from of various officers. His position with the Task Force had always been tenuous, porn incidents aside, but it had mysteriously becomed increasingly tense as of late.

"Akako-chan, this is Hattori Heiji. He's a detective from Osaka." Aoko took care of introductions while his head spun. "Hattori-kun, this is Koizumi Akako."

"Nice ta meetcha." Hattori bowed in the sorceress' direction, a slightly glazed look over coming his features. Lovely. Another guy for the Koizumi cheering squad. Hakuba mentally sighed. What was it with anyone of the male persuasion falling over themselves for the girl?

Well, except for Kuroba...

Although, when he thought about it, there -was- some sort of pull towards Koizumi, it simply wasn't as bad when he was around Kuroba. The pull was stronger when he was only in Aoko and Koizumi's company. Perhaps Kuroba acted as some sort of buffer? Or did she have control over that ability and toned it down around the magician?

"The pleasure is mutual." Koizumi nodded back, then turned and ran her fingers through Kuroba's wet hair with a thoughtful air, causing the strands to stick straight up. "Hmm... still not back to normal. Perhaps a shower, Kaito-kun?"

Kuroba gave her an evil glare. "Without company, thank you."

Hattori just boggled.

Hakuba chuckled, taking the chance to pass a hand through Kuroba's messy spikes and straighten them somewhat from Koizumi's manipulations. "So what brings you to our neighbourhood, Hattori?" He inquired as Kuroba ducked his head and took the opportunity to swat at the back of Hakuba's head. He grinned. It wasn't very often that Kuroba left himself open for teasing.

"Do you want to pet my hair too?" Kuroba asked Hattori with a combination of irritation, resignation and playfulness.

"No, that's quite all right." Hattori relaxed slightly, although he gave the magician an odd look. "Actually, I'm here ta talk Hakuba, if ya don't mind."

Looks were exchanged all around, between the two girls, between the magician and the european detective and between the half siblings. Koizumi looked amused.

"We'll escort Kaito home." Aoko volunteered, an amused grin on her face as she looped an arm around Kuroba's. Koizumi took the other side. "Nice seeing you again Hattori-kun, say hello to Kazuha-chan for me please."

Kuroba rolled his eyes, seeing as his hands were occupied and nodded his head. "Later."

"Have a safe trip home." Hakuba barely resisted the urge to snicker as the girls escorted Kuroba? Kuroba escorted the girls? The troublesome trio walked down the street.

"So..." Koizumi purring voice floated back towards them. "What's this about every sperm is sacred?"

"How about I tell you about Self-defense against Fresh Fruit instead?" Kuroba counter-offered as Aoko blushed. "It involves a sixteen ton weight and a banana."

"Close enough." Koizumi agreed.

Hattori continued to boggle as he watched them walk away.

"You get used to them after a while." Hakuba said, with a small fond smile as he put his hands in his pockets for lack of anything better to do with them. "Really."

"If you say so." Hattori shrugged, more of a shoulder roll, as if he was setting that train of thought aside and bringing a previous one forward. "Mind if we walk?"

"Not at all. I assume you're here on business?"

"Sorta." Hattori shrugged again. "You hear from Kudo lately?"

"Not since his arrival at my Grandfather's laboratory over a fortnight ago." Hakuba shrugged. "Is something wrong?"

"Naw, naw. Everythin' is fine. It's just..." Hattori glanced around, verifying they were alone. "He said something 'bout a... -visitor- being there?"

"Ah." He should have guessed that Kudo wouldn't be able his mouth shut, although it was gratifying to note that he at least talked to a common acquaintance. He raised an eyebrow at Hattori. "I suppose I am obligated to point out that IF some known villain broke into my family's laboratory, I -would- do my best to arrest him?"

"And if they were invited?"

"Then that would be a whole different kettle of fish, would it not?" He replied levelly back. "Trespassers are one thing. Invited guests are another."

Hattori laughed nervously. "That's what I thought. But hypothetically speakin', IF the Kaitou Kid showed up at your doorstep, which I'm not sayin' he would, with information about hypothetical people who theoretically were out to kill people who might be in our acquaintance?"

"Including ourselves?"

"Possibly ourselves." Hattori agreed. "Hypothetically speakin', o'course."

"Of course." He agreed mildly. "I suppose, hypothetically speaking, that if a certain thief was to show up at my window with information about hypothetical people who were theoretically out to kill him and several others in a multitude of messy manners inquiring if I would like said information, I might have a conscientious decision to make."

"I would say so." Hattori nodded. "Hypothetically speakin'."

Hakuba smiled, looking away. "Then it is a good thing that nothing of the sort has happened, right? Hypothetically speaking."

From the corner of his eye, he could see Hattori's eyebrows rise, then lower as the detective mulled this over. Hattori was far from thick, although he sometimes acted like it. A bit of a distraction from oneself often worked in one's favour.

"However, perhaps not so hypothetically speaking," He continued mildly "After much investigating of data and close personal observation on multiple chases, what would you say after noticing a sudden upswing of flying bullets in the direction of one phantom thief and the people on his tail?"

"I would venture that such a thing would bare further investigation." Hattori said cautiously.

"Especially after those self same hypothetical people theoretically decided to escalate hostilities with a bit of kidnapping and quite a bit of explosives-?" Hakuba raised an eyebrow.

That stopped the Kansai detective in his tracks. "Wait... you're sayin' that the same guys who got Kudo... and tried ta blow us up... they're gunnin' fer the Kid as well?"

"I did not say that." He allowed a bit of a smile to flit on his face. "We are speaking hypothetically, are we not?"

Hattori shot him a rather sour look. "So... hypothetically speakin', a certain thief that we share a passin' acquaintance with is playin' pin the tail on the guys in black?"

"I did not say that either." The smile grew into a bit of a smirk. This was sort of fun. Dancing on a razor's edge kind of fun, but fun none the less. "But if he was, he certainly would -not- be passing on information about such people to Task Force detectives who are sworn to capture him on sight, now would he? That would be certain suicide for his career. -Hypothetically speaking."

"Rrrgh." Hattori let out a growling sound before letting out a gut-deep sigh. "All right. Question for ya, NOT hypothetically speakin'... Do ya remember when we were held in that warehouse?"

Hakuba nodded, a wiry twist to his lips. "Rather hard to forget."

"Yeah." Hattori smiled back, amused. "It's just that I've been wonderin'. Who got us outta there? Was that really Kuroba or was that the Kid?"

Hakuba found himself staring at Hattori's determined green eyes. "Does it matter?" He asked, feeling slightly detached at the question. It -had- been Kuroba, but it had also been the Kid.

"No." Hattori sighed, fiddling with the brim of his hat, which was obscuring part of his face. "I suppose it doesn't."

He nodded in return, then shrugged. "Honestly..." Hakuba admitted. "I am not entirely sure myself. It could have been either of them. But who ever it may have been, I am grateful."

Hattori gave him a long hard searching look for a moment, the emerald eyes seeming to pierce through him. "Yeah." Hattori finally agreed. "Guess so."

"Anything else?" Hakuba inquired.

"Nope. That's about it." Hattori smiled at him, relaxed once more. "So how are you doin', thief chasin' aside?"

And the small talk returnth... "Very well." He shrugged. "You?"

"Can't compla-" A scream cut them off, followed by the sound of someone cheering. SomeONES cheering, to be accurate. Both of them straightened, ears straining at the sound from ages spent running towards accidents instead of away from them.

Ah, wait. He knew those cheers. The girls were up to something again. "That is Kuroba." Hakuba informed Hattori with a fond grin. "And I will bet you that Koizumi had something to do with it."

"The red-head?" Hattori looked surprised. "But-"

"Trust me. She is not nearly as innocent as she looks." He cut him off. God bless Kuroba and his impecable timing. "I had better go rescue Kuroba before she turns him into a lemur or something."

"... lemur?"

"Or worse." Hakuba waved and jogged off, grateful for the escape. "Talk to you later, Hattori-kun!"

"Yeah... bye..." He was vaguely aware of Hattori watching him run off. He hadn't avoided the end of the trouble with the shrunken detective or his Osaka-jin mate, but he'd at least somewhat cleared the air between them.

... Possibly.

Stayed them off temporarily was more like it.

Hopefully, by the next time Kudo or Hattori showed up asking questions, he'd have some of the answers to the same questions he was asking himself...

"Oi, Kuroba! Have you told them about the 'Burn the Witch' skit yet?!"

-fin-

back?