Rated 'R' for: Rocky Horror (which deserves a disclaimer all on it's own), strange innuendo and people running around in their underoos.
IF YOU'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO WATCH ROCKY HORROR, PLEASE DON'T READ!!!
Disclaimer: Recognisable stuff belongs to their respective owners, used without permission, not making any money off of it, just loosing a few brain cells along the way...
Disclaimer #2: I need sugar...
Midnight Insanity.
By Icka! M. Chif
1 person has the script.
1 person knows what the heck is going on.
Guess who's calling the shots?
***
The sky was a beautiful shade of grey, bells were ringing, and overall it was a lovely day for a wedding.
Which was a good thing for the people having a wedding.
"Oh, wow." Ran gushed as they walked out of the church. "The wedding was just beautiful! And don't you think that Genta and Ayumi make the most adorable couple?!"
Shin'ichi looked a bit confused and out of his league. "Well... uh... aren't they a bit young?"
Ran paused, musing it over. "Hmm... I suppose you're right. I never noticed that before. I wonder how Mitsuhiko-kun is taking it. Not only was he the best man, but I think he used to have a crush on Ayumi-chan too."
::FOOM!::
A bright flash blinded the pair for a moment. "BWhahahaha! Got your soul!" Mitsuhiko laughed and ran off.
"I think he's taking it rather well." Shin'ichi said dryly, blinking in an attempt to clear his blurry vision. "But I do wish he'd give the camera a rest."
"Agreed. Oh, hey! She's tossing the bouquet!!"
Ran laughed, running up to the stairs where the small crowd of girls gathered. Ayumi smiled and tossed the bouquet of flowers over her shoulder. The flowers arced high into the air for a moment before falling directly onto Shin'ichi's head, who was standing off to one side.
Shin'ichi turned pink, pulled the flowers off his head and handed them to Ran without a word. She blushed in response, murmuring a quiet thank you as everyone laughed and cheered.
The couple then watched in near-comfortable silence as the newly married couple got into the car and drove off. The crowd quickly dispersed, everyone walking off in random directions to head home.
"I have to admit, I'm impressed." Ran commented as they slowly strolled to their own vehicle. "It's not very often I get to go somewhere with you and nobody dies."
"Yeah, well..." Shin'ichi looked uncomfortable. "Hey, Ran?"
"Yes, Shin'ichi?"
"I've got something to say..."
"Uh huh."
"Well..." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I've got a case I have to go to. Would you like to join me?"
Those in the background hoping to witness Shin'ichi propose to Ran facefaulted.
"Okay!" Ran agreed cheerfully. She didn't mind, it was time alone with her favourite guy.
It was also a lovely day for a funeral.
****
A large leather chair in the middle of what is obviously a well used old-fashioned study slowly turns around to reveal Conan sitting in it. He is holding a book almost as big as he is in his lap.
"I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey." He carefully opens up the large book, a quiet, dignified look on his young face. "It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Kudo Shin'ichi and his best friend Mouri Ran, two young, normal, healthy kids, left Beika City that late November evening, to visit a crime scene."
Conan flips through the books, revealing pictures of Shin'ichi and Ran, obviously class photos. He continues his narration as he turns the pages. "It's true there were dark storm clouds. Heavy, black, and pendulous, toward which they were driving. It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air, but, uh, they being normal kids, on a night out... and in... and..."
He pauses, looking at the pages. "Wait... this wasn't in the original script..." He quickly flips through the pages, noting the changes, his eyes growing wider and wider as he does so.
"I don't know if I'm old enough to be reading this... When I was bigger!" He swallows nervously. " Heck, I don't think Agasa-sensei is old enough to read this!!!"
****
"Gosh, that's the third black car that has pass us." Ran commented, peering into the darkness. "They sure do take their lives in their hands what with the weather and all."
"They're taking their life pretty cheaply going that fast." Shin'ichi agreed. "This rain is horrendous."
The couple drove in comfortable silence for a few minutes until they reach a dead end. "We must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back." Shin'ichi sighed. "Dang map. Guess we'll have to turn back around."
"Yeah." Ran agreed. "I just hope that there aren't' any acci-"
::BOOM!:: The car rocked before coming to a sudden stop.
"-dents. Oops." Ran blushed.
"You just had to say it." Shin'ichi said ruefully. He glanced back. "It looks like the back tire blew out, and I know this car doesn't have a spare. I saw a house a mile or so back, maybe they'll have a phone."
"I'm going with you!" Ran volunteered, un-buckling her seatbelt.
"Oh, no Ran. There's no sense in both of us getting wet." He protested.
"Don't be silly." She waved it off. "Besides, the owner of the house might be a beautiful woman and you might never come back. ...Again."
Shin'ichi shot her a grin. "Only if the woman was dead."
Ran had to smile at that. She was probably one of the few women who could honestly claim that the main rival for friend's affections was a mysterious corpse.
But, with her luck, there really would be a dead body waiting for them.
She opened a newspaper that had been brought with them and opened it, using it as a makeshift protection from the rain. Shin'ichi grinned and ducked under the temporary covering with her and the two of them dashed off into the rain.
"Hey, there's a light." Shin'ichi pointed after a few minutes.
"Where?" Ran blinked, looking for it in the velvet darkness of the blackest night.
"There." Shin'ichi pointed again. "See? In the tower of that creepy looking castle. I'm sure it has a phone or something."
Ran paused. "...Right."
After all, most ancient decrepit looking castles with spooky atmospheres had working telephones, right?
****
Conan looks up from the script, rocking back and forth in the overly large chair. "And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Shin'ichi and Ran and that they had found the assistance that their plight required."
He kicked the desk, looking fed up. "Unlike me, who's stuck- waugh!" A particularly hard kick over balanced the chair, sending the chair flying backwards and him tumbling on to the ground.
"I'm alright!"
****
Ran shivered as they huddled in the doorway. "I've got a bad feeling about this place." She muttered.
"I know. But what else can we do?" Shin'ichi shrugged and rang the doorbell. There was silence for a few minutes, then the sounds of someone on the other side of the door.
The door creaked open with an ominous groan. Lighting flashed in the background, sending eerie flashes of bright light and shadow over the figure of the person in side. Ran squeaked and burrowed in closer to Shin'ichi's side. She hated spooky stuff.
"Hattori?!"
"Kudo? Neesan?" The Kansai detective looked at them in surprise from the doorway for a moment before grinning. "You're wet."
"It's raining." Shin'ichi replied, deadpan.
"Oh, so it is." Heiji made a bit of a show of looking up at the storm clouds. "Well, what do you know? Suppose you should come in side and dry off, huh?"
"You're too kind."
"Yup!"
"What are you doing here, Heiji-san?" Ran inquired as the darker skinned boy shut the door behind them. "Did you get stuck in the rain too?"
"Naw." Heiji smiled at her. "Me and Kazuha have a summer job here. The works boring, but the pay is pretty good. Yay rich weirdoes and all that."
"Guess we were lucky to run into you then." She smiled back.
"You're lucky, I'm lucky, we're ALL lucky!!!" Kazuha laughed, sliding down the banister with fiendish glee. She hopped off at the end, lost her balance and stumbled into a dusty clock that lay off to one side. The clock chimed 7 times as she did bumped into it, even though the hands on the face showed 6 pm and a skeleton flew out, landing at Hattori's feet.
Ran screamed and glomped onto Shin'ichi.
Hattori looked down at the grinning bones with a cross between amusement and resignation on his face. "Kazuha, you knocked over Betty again."
"Oops." The brown-haired girl looked embarrassed. "Sorry. That's what? The second time this week?"
"Well, at least it's not landing on you." Kudo grinned.
"True."
"Ran-chan!" Kazuha squealed with delight, hopping over the skeleton to greet her friend. Hattori just shook his head, picking up the skeleton and putting it back as the 2 girls exchanged pleasantries. Kudo joined him.
"Betty?" He echoed.
Hattori shook his head. "I haven't got a clue. We're just storing Betty for Dr. Tofu. He's on his honeymoon or something."
"Ah." Kudo nods. "Makes sense, in a strange sort of way."
"You've actually got good timing." Hattori continued, as if he were used to such things as skeletons jumping out at him. "You've arrived on a very special night. It's one of the Boss's affairs."
"Affairs?" Kudo echoed, suspicious.
The sound of a jukebox in the other room suddenly blaring 'Kore wa Thrill Shock Suspense' caused them all to jump. Or Shin'ichi's case, twitch. He did not jump. Much.
Kazuha grinned, then starting to dance. "It's Para-para time!"
***
"They left instructions for something called 'The Time Warp'..." Conan looked at the instructions with a wary eye before tossing them over his shoulder and kicking his feet up on to the desk. "Ha! In that case, I'm not gonna dance!"
Hattori's voice floated from off screen. "Which is good, Kudo, you look constipated during the entire opening sequence."
"Like you could do any better!"
***
"On second thought..." Hattori put a hand on Kazuha's shoulder, effectively stopping her. "Let's not."
Kazuha pouted. "You just don't want to because you've got 2 left feet when it comes to dancing."
Hattori grinned and sweatdropped. It was hard to argue with the truth.
"Sorry about the noise." A girl with wild brown hair stepped out of the large room the music had been coming out of, a mop over one shoulder. "I accidentally hit the jukebox while cleaning."
"Not a problem." Hattori waved it off. "Meet some friends of ours. Kudo, Neechan, this is Nakamori Aoko, another one of us working here for the summer. Aoko-chan, this is Kudo Shin'ichi, the Detective from the East and his friend, Mouri Ran."
"Nice to meet you." Aoko smiled at them.
Shin'ichi looked nervous for a second, then smiled back. Ran smiled, obviously at ease with the other girl, now that the girls outnumbered the guys.
The sound of the elevator slowly grinding down the shaft drew their attention to it. A rhythmic knocking sound echoed from it, sounding like almost like a song beat. Finally it came to a halt, it's doors opening to reveal a shadowy figure inside. The figure turned, their coat swirling as they stepped out.
"Ai-chan?!" Ran gasped.
Haibara regarded her with cool eyes as she tapped her clipboard with a pencil. "You were expecting someone else?" She inquired.
"Sorry." Shin'ichi gave her a sheepish look. "I was expecting fishnets."
"Please." Haibara sniffed. "I think I'm a bit young for -that-."
Hattori snickered. "Pervert."
"Actually, he's probably thinking of the mad doctor next door." The small scientist informed him, walking past them. "Frank does tend to be a bit... eccentric. Well, anyway. Since you're already here, why don't you stay for the night? I could show you my favourite obsession." She smirked, almost leering at Shin'ichi. "I've been making a man. With long legs and a tan."
Something about her phrasing made Shin'ichi back up a step, suddenly nervous.
"So come on up to the lab and see what's on the slab." She smiled, walking back into the elevator. "Hattori, Kazuha, please get them ready to join us. After all, we can't have them running around in those wet clothes."
"Lab?" Ran echoed as Haibara disappeared.
Kazuha grinned. "Yup. You heard the Boss, Hattori. I'll take Ran-chan, you take Shin'ichi."
"Alright."
Aoko laughed at their expressions as Kansai couple quickly and efficiently stripped Shin'ichi and Ran of all their clothes except for their undergarments.
"Waugh!" Both Shin'ichi and Ran belatedly moved to cover themselves. "What are you doing!?" Shin'ichi demanded hotly.
"You heard the boss. She said that you shouldn't be running around in wet clothes." Kazuha grinned cheerfully, piling the wet clothes in Aoko's arms.
"You're very lucky." Aoko informed them. "Most people would give their right arm to see the Boss' lab."
"Including yourself?"
"Ha! -I've- seen it!" Aoko tossed the pile of wet clothes over her shoulder. "And I don't do laundry!"
She stormed off towards the elevator. The Kansai couple giggled to themselves and escorted them onto the elevator. "I think this place has fried their brains." Shin'ichi whispered to Ran. She nodded, looking at her friends nervously.
"Come on!" Kazuha cheered. "The Boss doesn't like to be kept waiting!"
Hattori closed the gates to the elevator and moved to handle the controls. "Ready?"
"Shift it!" Kazuha nodded. He did so, the elevator rising with a jerk.
Aoko took up a chant in the background. "First floor, lamps and stuff."
"So, why do you call Haibara-chan 'Boss'?" Ran asked.
"Second floor, boring conversations."
"Well, she's our boss." Hattori explained with a shrug. "What else are we going to call her?"
"Third floor, stupid answers."
"Oh." Ran giggled. "I suppose that's true."
"Fourth Floor, stupid giggles."
"Is she okay?" Shin'ichi whispered to Hattori, motioning towards Aoko in the back just as the lights went out.
"Fifth floor, total darkness."
"She's slightly claustrophobic." Hattori whispered back. "She keeps tracks of the floors to prevent herself from freaking out."
"Ah." Shin'ichi nodded.
"Sixth floor, Kermit the frog in drag!" The elevator came to a jarring stop, causing them all to crash and bump into each other. "Who's that sailor dressed in green? That's not a sailor, it's an ex-marine. Sound off 1-2... Everybody out!"
Hattori had barely enough time to open the elevator doors before Aoko pushed them all out. She did -not- like elevators.
Haibara was waiting for them, dressed in a green smock and medical gear. A large balcony that ran across the top of the room was packed full of people that looked suspiciously like Black Ops members. Shin'ichi gulped. "Kazuha." Haibara called.
Kazuha stepped forward, moving to stand beside the mini-scientist.
"Aoko."
Aoko moved to her other side.
"Go assist Hattori. I'll entertain..." Haibara did a double take at Ran and Shin'ichi clothes and smirked. "... our guests."
The girls nodded and walked deeper into the lab, helping Hattori at a complex looking switch board built into one wall.
"Charming underclothes." The small scientist said with a too innocent smile. She walked beside the elevator to a clothes rack and pulled off a couple of smocks. "Here. Put these on. They'll make you feel less vulnerable. It's a good think you know my assistants. It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them hospitality."
"Uh, thanks." Ran blushed, attempting to use Shin'ichi as a screen from the eyes of the men in black. Shin'ichi just looked happy of the idea of running around in something other than his underoos.
"Everything is ready, Boss." Hattori called. "We're merely awaiting your word."
"Thank you Hattori."
Haibara walked up to a large tank on a slightly raised platform, looking more serious and solemn then her years. Inside the tank was the figure of a man, wrapped up in bandages so that he resembled a mummy.
"Tonight, my unconventional conventionalists you are to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research." Haibara announced. "I could bore you with a speech filled with Star Trek references, secrets to life itself and claim it was an accident. But instead let's just go straight to the good part, alright?"
This went over well with everyone involved. After all, it was better to get drunk and play ping-pong after the main event of the night.
Haibara nodded. "Alright." She walked over to take her place behind the tank, only to find that someone had moved her stairs and she was too short to climb up on to the stool un-assisted. Aoko, now with hospital scrubs over her clothes walked over and picked her up, placing her on the stool so she was the correct height.
"Up now!" Haibara ordered every inch the professional scientist as she motioned to a strange mechanical chandelier looking device over the tank. It lowered, and as it got in reach, she began to fiddle with the knobs on it, sending fluid pouring into the tank. Aoko and Kazuha reached up, helping her.
"Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator..." Haibara called. " And step up the reactor power THREE MORE DORITOES!"
A crunching sound started up in the background as Hattori started turning a crank that was built into one side of wall. Lights began to flash as the machine started to hum, vibrating the floor. The tank began to fill up with rainbow colours.
"The secret to life is food colouring?" Ran whispered to Shin'ichi. He shrugged back.
The strange noises continued to a fever pitch, and the figure inside began to twitch. Haibara grinned with glee.
The figure inside of the tank twitched, then sat up and began to pull himself out of the vat. Aoko and Kazuha stepped forward with scissors to cut the bandages off, but the creation reached up and pulled them off of it's head before the girls could touch him.
"Shin'ichi?!" Ran gasped, doing several double takes between the creation and the man she had walked in with a dumbfounded expression.
"YOU!" Shin'ichi glared and climbed out of the vat. "Get away from Ran!"
"Oh, relax." Kid the Phantom Thief grinned, taking a step back as he pulled out his white top hat out of mid-air and put it on. "It's not like Brad and Janet end up doing anything anyway."
And with that, he disappeared with a flash of light and a puff of smoke.
"Who are Brad and Janet?" Ran questioned, puzzled.
"Sometimes I really hate that guy." Shin'ichi seethed as Kazuha and Aoko shrugged, and began removing the rest of the bandages. Hattori just snickered.
Haibara watched with detached interest as the bandages fell away, leaving Shin'ichi standing there in a pair of gold speedos and tennis shoes. "I'm beginning to see what Mouri-chan sees in him." She mused. "Soccer does a boy good."
Shin'ichi heard and shot her a quick glare-of-doom. Ai smirked back. "I just love a success."
"A credit to your genius." Hattori snickered, amused as Shin'ichi realised that he was being stared at by a group of people all dressed in black.
"Yes." Haibara agreed.
"A triumph of science!" Kazuha cheered. She was enjoying her role of 'Mad Scientist Minion' a bit too much.
"Yes."
"He's okay." Aoko commented, leaning on the tank to get a better view.
"Okay?" Haibara asked dangerously. "Okay? Humph. I didn't make him for you. I think we can do better than that." She turned to Ran, who was trying not to gawk at Shin'ichi in speedos. "What do you think of him Mouri-chan?"
Ran just blushed a deep red and stammered something that wasn't understandable.
Haibara grinned. "That's what I thought."
An explosion blew the doors open from a room built under balcony caused them all to jump, and divert attention away from Shin'ichi, much to his relief. Someone coughed as smoke billowed out, and a lone figure dressed in black stumbled out into the light.
"Kaito!!" Aoko let out a fangirlish squeal and leapt toward the figure. He grinned and greeted her with open arms. She jumped up and brought an elbow down on the top of his head.
"Ow!" Kuroba Kaito rubbed the rapidly forming bump on the top of his head. "What did you do that for?!"
"You idiot! You disappeared and didn't tell me where you were! I've been worried sick about you!" Aoko yelled, fists tightly clenched at her sides.
They both paused, staring at each other. "You... were worried about me?" Kaito echoed, a hesitant smile forming.
"No." She sulked. "I just didn't have anyone else to make fun of."
"Oh." Kaito absorbed this information for a moment. Then he stuck out his tongue at her, making a hideous face. "Nyah! Can't catch me!"
"We'll see about that!" She roared, a mop suddenly appearing in her hands as she chased him around the room. Everyone sweatdropped as they watched the couples acrobatic antics, nailing a few of the Black Ops Party Goers when they didn't dodge fast enough.
"Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake splitting his brain with Kudo's..." Haibara mused.
"What was that?" Shin'ichi questioned.
"Nothing. Nothing at all." Haibara clapped her hands. "Well, it's been a long day, who's ready for bed? Kudo-san, you're sleeping in the tank."
"Dangit."
****
Ran was escorted to a room to sleep in. It was a nice room, even if the sink attacked her the moment she stepped inside, done all in shades of pink.
It was very pink. Ran usually didn't mind pink, but this was a little bit too pink for her tastes. Even the air seemed to be tinted pink. It was... disturbing.
Deciding that it would be easier to tune out the fluffy pink-ness, she climbed into bed, closed her eyes and attempted to fall asleep.
It didn't work.
She tossed, and she turned, and she listened to the sound of the rain on the rooftops, the people wandering around, the sounds of muffled cackles and whispers and found herself unable to fall asleep.
Shin'ichi.
He was here. She'd go see him. Ran climbed back out of bed, glanced at the pink bathrobe sitting on a hook beside the bed and decided against it. She'd had enough pink for one night. And it wasn't like the house was so cold that she really needed one either.
Decision thus made, she slipped down the corridors to the laboratory. Shin'ichi was laying at the bottom of the tank, looking ultimately bored. He smiled when he noticed her, standing up to lean on the edge of the tank.
"Hey, Ran." He grinned rakishly, almost a leer. "Would you like to play a game?"
Ran debated for a second. It wasn't like she had anything better to do. "Okay!" She agreed, then climbed in to the tank with him.
****
Conan slouched down in the over sized chair looking bored as he flipped through the script. "There's no one in the same room, different colour." He yawned. "So we'll just skip that scene. It's not like it's very important anyway."
****
"What are -you- doing here?" Haibara asked as the Kid meandered up, a light blue bathrobe in place of his cape over his white suit. He shrugged, silently offering her a handful of chips out of the bag he was eating out of.
"Wanted to see if there was anything good on TV." He remarked, flipping a few chips into the air and catching them in his mouth. He crunched on them for a minute before swallowing and continuing. "It'll be a little while before I show up again anyway."
"Aa." Haibara munched on the chips. "Good chips by the way."
"Thanks. I prefer Doritos, but the store was sold out. Something about the prop department needing them."
"Doritos are good. Especially the Cool Ranch ones."
"Those are okay. I think the Original ones are better. Can't mess with originality."
Haibara raised a mild eyebrow. "I think there's something about experimenting and trying new tastes and formulas."
"You would." The Kid smirked. "Although the Nacho Cheese are up there too."
"That's true."
A beeping from the panel on the far wall attracted their attention. Hattori walked over and flicked a switch. "We have company!" He announced. "Some old guy."
Haibara and the Kid joined him at the hexagonal monitor in the wall. "Hey! I know that guy! It's Dr. Agasa!" The Kid grinned.
"What's he doing here?" The small scientist frowned. "And in a wheelchair no less."
Kid shrugged. "Heck if I know. Anyway. That's my cue to leave. Catch you at the floor show!" With that, he slipped the blue robe off his shoulders and walked off, leaving the blue puddle of fabric at their feet.
"What floor show?" She echoed, looking puzzled. Ai then frowned, looking down at the robe that was left behind. "Boys are so messy." She grumbled.
"I'm not picking it up." Hattori said quickly before she could open her mouth.
"Fine." She rubbed her head. "Where's Dr. Agasa now anyway?"
"Umm... The Zen room. Should I fetch him?"
"Why not?"
Hattori grinned and flicked a switch. The machinery behind the panel began to whirrrrr and they watched with amusement as Dr. Agasa's wheelchair began to move on it's own. Through the Zen room, around the Aoko and Kazuha gossiping in their room, up a several staircases and finally burst through a wall, down the ramp and stopped in front of them.
"So glad you could make it." Haibara smirked.
"Ai-chan?" Dr. Agasa looked confused. "Where are we? What's going on?!"
"WHOOOOOOooooo!!!"
A joyful feminine squeal from inside the tank drew their attention away from the questioned posed. Hattori walked over and pulled the cloth off of the tank as Haibara helped to push Dr. Agasa over.
"Kudo!"
"Hattori?!"
"Neechan?!"
"Dr. Agasa?!"
"Shin'ichi?!"
"Ran?!"
"-and I'm Haibara Ai." the small scientist quipped. "And now that we now know each other's names, is it safe to proceed on?"
"Just a moment." Hattori held up a hand, glaring at the nearly naked Ran and Shin'ichi still in the tank. "Just what were you doing with Neechan in there, Kudo?!"
"Playing cards." Ran held up the cards she had in her hand. "It's not like there was much else to do around here and neither of us were tired yet."
Kudo leaned against the tank and propped his head up with a hand. "I was trying to figure out how it is that she always wins in cards. She has the strangest luck."
And thus Kudo proved once again, that he did not have the survival instincts of a suicidal lemming, just the survival instincts of a suicidal lemming with hydrophobia. He was extremely lucky Either Mouri or his estranged wife were no where remotely close to the vicinity or his ability to have children in the future would have been severely questioned.
Kazuha chose that moment to make her entrance by ringing a loud gong and making them all jump. "Din-ah is pre-par-ahud!" She announced cheerfully.
"Aho!" Hattori yelled at her. "Speak properly! We can't understand a word you're saying!"
"Dinner's ready! Come and get it before it gets you!"
"If she made it, it really will come and get us." Hattori muttered.
"Aho!!!" Kazuha roared. "I heard that!!!"
"You were supposed to!"
"Oooooh..."
Haibara sighed, ignoring the bickering Kansai couple. "So, anyone hungry?"
Ran and Shin'ichi exchanged looks. "They'll be at this for a while." Shin'ichi finally sighed. "Yeah, food sounds good."
****
Conan spun his chair around, occasionally kicking the table with a foot to keep it spinning. "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! Hey, this is kinda fun... Dizzying, but fun...."
He stopped. "Okay, I'm -really- bored..."
***
Dr. Agasa looked down at his place setting. "Why do I have 7 forks?" He asked, looking puzzled.
"You got me." Kazuha scratched her head. "Anybody missing a fork?"
Everyone checked their place settings. "Nope. We're good." Aoko shrugged.
"Who set the table?" Hattori asked.
"The Cook." Kazuha reported. "Speaking of which, would you like to do the honours, Boss?"
Kazuha pulled the metal cover off of the platter holding a large chunk of meat and set it down in front of Haibara. "Thank you, Kazuha." The small scientist took an electric meat carver and carefully carved several slices off of the chunk. Hattori and Kazuha then passed out the meat, taking an almost fiendish glee in tossing it at people's plates.
"You're having too much fun." Shin'ichi muttered as Hattori passed. Heiji chuckled.
"A toast!" Haibara announced, rising and holding up her glass as several slices of toast flew in from the kitchen. "To absent friends."
"To absent friends!" Everyone echoed, clinking their glasses together.
"May they stay fecking absent." Haibara finished.
"Ai-chan!" Ran gasped, startled at the little girl's use of language.
"You have your friends, I have mine." Haibara commented, sitting back down. "Speaking of which, Dr. Agasa. Why are you in a wheelchair anyway?" Haibara asked, taking a sip of her drink.
"Well, there was a -slight- problem in the, ahem, lab and somehow when everything exploded I got a shard-"
"I think we got it!" Shin'ichi said quickly, stopping the doctor in mid gesture as he pointing toward what he was sitting on.
"Oh." Dr. Agasa had the good grace to look slightly embarrassed. "Right."
"What brings you here anyway, Dr. Agasa?" Ran inquired. "Did you get caught in the rain too?"
"Urm? Uh, no, my dear. I actually came because of Kaito."
"Kaito?!" Aoko gasped.
"You know of him?" Dr. Agasa asked, curious.
"He disappeared a few hours ago while I was chasing him." Aoko sulked. "Didn't even get a decent hit in."
"She's his girlfriend." Shin'ichi deadpanned.
His head had a sudden encounter with a mop handle, thanks to Aoko. Ran leaned over. "You deserved that." She informed him.
Shin'ichi just rubbed the bump on his head and sulked. "What about Kaito?" He asked, mainly to divert the attention away from himself.
"Hmm? Oh." Dr. Agasa distracted himself for a moment by cutting his slab of meat into little pieces. "His mother called, he's late getting home."
"How do you know Kaito?" Aoko asked, looking puzzled.
Dr. Agasa waved a fork in the general direction of the air. "Who do you think helps him making those magic gadgets of his, eh? As soon as I've figured out how he does it, I'll have a toy that kids will love and will make millions! Wahahahahaha!"
Everyone sweatdropped and politely looked away as the doctor laughed. Most of them were used to this. Those that weren't took their cue from the ones that were.
"So where is Kaito anyway?" Ran asked, attempting to change the subject.
"I think that's a rather tender subject at the moment." Haibara informed her as she took a sip of grape juice.
Everyone paused and looked at the meat on their plates.
"No, that's not what I meant." Haibara said quickly. She paused. "I think..."
"Cook?!" Kazuha called anyway. "We have a question here on the meat..."
A trim figure walked into the room as the cook came out of the kitchen. "Is it not dead enough?"
"Jodie-sensei?!" Ran gasped, recognising her.
Sweat began to bead up on Haibara's forehead as all the blood rushed out of her face. She began to shake faintly.
"Boss?" Aoko asked. "Are you alright, Ai-chan?"
"Oh, she's fine." The older blonde haired woman smirked, stepping forward to look down on the small girl. "Aren't you, Sherry?"
Recognition flashed across Haibara's face. "Vermouth?!"
"Vermouth?!" Shin'ichi echoed, eyes wide.
"Sorry about this, Cool Guy." Jodie-sensei, A.K.A. Vermouth snapped her fingers. The party goers of earlier stormed in, looking tough and menacing. The members at the table rose, looking alarmed at the sudden influx of people.
"How... how did you find me-?" Haibara demanded, defiant even as she shook like a leaf.
"Simple." Vermouth reached forward and with a yank pulled the tablecloth off of the table, sending cutlery everywhere. Everyone reacted in horror at the sight of the dead body underneath.
"Omigosh!" Heiji gasped. "They killed Kenny!"
"Kenny?" Shin'ichi asked, his curiosity over riding his shock. "Don't you mean Kaito?"
"No, Kenny. That's what it says on his name badge." The Kansai detective pointed to the large white gaudy 'Hello, My name is..." sticker on the corpse' chest. 'Kenny' was spelled out in large black letters with a sharpie marker.
"Urm. Bodies with name badges. Will wonders never cease."
"Who's Kenny?" Ran asked, looking like she was about ready to be sick.
"Former groundskeeper." Haibara said stiffly. "He disappeared so I hired Hattori and Kazuha to keep the place up."
"Such a pity about that too." Vermouth sighed, looking regretful. "We were just here for Sherry." She snapped her fingers at the goons in black. "Do what you wish to the others. Except for Angel, she gets... special treatment."
Ran paled.
Shin'ichi took the opportunity to drive his foot down on to the man in black's foot behind him, then elbow him in the gut. "Ran! Run!" He ordered.
Ran nodded, her face a serious mask as she charged out the door behind Dr. Agasa, taking out several of the goons who weren't expecting an attack from the seemingly innocent looking girl.
The others took advantage of the distraction to do some butt kicking of their own and follow her.
A bokken appeared in Hattori's hand as if summoned by magic (or hammerspace) just as Aoko pulled a mop from -somewhere- and the 2 of them set about to bopping Black Ops members, who didn't seem to anticipate their attack.
Kazuha decided that this was her cue to get in some martial arts practice, practising Aikido down the hallway and generally guarding Hattori's back.
Shin'ichi, not to be left out, grabbed Dr. Agasa's wheel chair and began to push him along, practising visualising that various body parts were soccer balls to anyone who got too close. Dr. Agasa made himself as much of a nuisance as he good, shouting at people and cheering whenever they ran over someone with the wheelchair. The good doctor was having way to much fun under the circumstances.
Haibara hid, scurrying from hiding spot to hiding spot as she followed the mad scramble.
Kazuha and Hattori somehow managed to get lost in the maze of the mansion, leaving Ran, Shin'ichi, Aoko, Dr. Agasa and Haibara being chased by the horde of men in black into the lab.
This was about the time the bad guys remembered they had guns.
::BLAM!::
The fight stopped as suddenly as it started.
Dust fell from the bullet hole in the ceiling. "Right." Vermouth said dryly, not at all phased by the disturbance. "Now that you all have that out of your system, may we proceed?"
"Noo-?" Shin'ichi ventured.
"I don't even know why I even asked." Vermouth sighed. "Gas 'em."
Several large members of the Black Ops quickly stepped forward and grabbed them, placing handkerchiefs with chloroform over their lower faces. Everyone struggled futilely, but quickly succumbed and passed out.
****
"Okay... Black Ops has just taken over..." Conan flips through the book, which is back in his lap. "This isn't in the script AT ALL!!"
He paused. "Wait... they just captured Shin'ichi. But I'm... argh!" He grabbed his forehead like his head hurt. "This doesn't make any sense at all. What the heck's going on?!"
****
When everyone rose to consciousness again, they found themselves on the stage in the auditorium. There were several exclamations as everyone sat up from their sprawled positions on the floor when they realised that not only were their ankles chained to the floor, but someone had had waaaaaay to much fun with the white face paint and the make up.
-Except for Dr. Agasa, who was handcuffed to his wheelchair off to one side. Evidently no one had wanted to paint the good doctor's face. Which was probably for the best. Facepaint and moustaches don't mix well.
Ran did a double take as she glanced over to where Shin'ichi was sitting. In addition to his gold speedos and sneakers, someone had given him a pair of leather chaps too. Ran roared with laughter. "Shin'ichi, you pervert!"
From his other side, Aoko reached over and whapped him with her mop. Shin'ichi winced and rubbed the new bump on head. "Ow... Where do you get that thing anyway?!"
The mousy haired girl thought it over for a moment, then shrugged, the mop having disappeared again. "I'm not sure." She finally admitted. "It's just always there when I need it."
"It's a magic mop?" Ran mused.
Haibara snorted disdainfully from Ran's other side. "There's no such thing as magic."
"Just wait until that mop hit you, then we'll see what's magic or not." Shin'ichi grumbled. He was getting tired of getting hit with the mop. Not only was it un-dignified, but it hurt too.
"By the way, nice chaps Kudo." Haibara smirked. Shin'ichi blushed and tried to ignore it.
"I see you're all up and feeling better." A smooth voice interrupted. Vermouth stepped out, dressed in a black cat suit.
"As well as can be considered." Shin'ichi growled.
Vermouth's lips twitched into what could be considered a smirk. "Nice Chaps."
"Oh, shut up. I don't even know why I'm wearing them." Shin'ichi crossed his arms and glowered. "The next person to say anything about them is going to taste pain."
This, of course, sent all the girls into muffled giggles. Except for Haibara, who seemed to be at the start of a surreal panic attack.
Shin'ichi sulked.
Vermouth continued walking, passing Aoko, Shin'ichi and Ran to hover over Haibara's shoulder. Haibara shuddered, her arms wrapped around her as her hands clasped her shoulders as if fighting off a case of severe chills.
"I'm so glad to finally bring you back to the fold, Sherry." Vermouth purred. "You can't begin to guess how long I've been looking forward to this."
"1 year?" Dr. Agasa guessed. "No, wait... 4 months? 12 minutes? No, wait! I can get this!!!" The scientist began to think, obviously struggling with the question.
Everyone turned to look at him. "Um, I don't think you were supposed to take that literally." Shin'ichi informed the befuddled doctor in a stage whisper.
"Oh. Sorry."
Vermouth shook her head. "Is he always like this?" She questioned.
"Pretty much." Shin'ichi nodded. Haibara seconded it.
"Anyway, now that I have you all together, I'd like some answers, Sherry."
"Answers?" Haibara echoed distantly.
"The truth."
Shin'ichi perked up. "Truth?!"
"Yes. I want the truth."
"You can't -handle- the TRUTH!" Dr. Agasa snapped.
"You can always try the barrel of my gun instead." Vermouth said pointedly, pointing her small pointy gun at the portly doctor.
He sunk back down in to the chair. "I'll be good."
"Smart move."
The doors in the back of the auditorium burst open, causing the people on stage to jump. "Stop right there!" Kazuha shouted as she and Hattori struck an un-intentional dramatic pose in the doorway. Hattori had his bokken in his hands in a fighting stance while at his back Kazuha just looked pissed. Hattori wasn't too worried about his friend, he knew she could kick butt with the best of them.
And if worse came to worse, she could always scold them and they'd run away.
"Hey Vermouth, it's all over. Your mission is a failure, your outfit's too extreme. Forget your drunk commandos, we're gonna free your prisoners! Kazuha, go call a swat team."
Kazuha sweatdropped. "Um... you're rhyming, Heiji."
"Sorry."
"Me too." Vermouth sighed. She turned levelled her gun at the Kansai couple.
Enter the mop. Aoko swung the household cleaning utensil a fraction to late in her attempt to knock the gun out of the blonde woman's hand. It went off, firing above Hattori and Kazuha's head.
There was a slight scream, then an un-known figured dressed in black fell from the ceiling to land at Hattori's feet. Kazuha shrieked, jumping up into Hattori's arms, who caught and held her, his bokken still firmly grasped in one hand.
"Man." He griped. "I am getting SO tired of this!"
"YOU are?!" Kazuha shot back, ignoring the fact that she had her arms wrapped around his neck in a rather fierce embrace.
Vodka cleared his throat from behind the wrapped up couple, cocking his gun with a click that made them freeze. "If you would kindly drop your girlfriend and move up on to the stage-?" He requested, a bit of a self-satisfied grin on his face.
"SHE'S/I'M NOT MY/HIS GIRLFRIEND!!!" Kazuha and Hattori roared at the same time, swinging to face him. The flat of Hattori's wood sword forcibly smacked into his gut, knocking the wind out of the assassin and causing him to pitch forward. Kazuha's feet swung around, accidentally kicking him in the face and sending him flying back into the wall.
They blinked, staring at the un-conscious man in surprise. "Well, that was un-expected." Hattori quipped. Kazuha nodded.
"And it won't work on me." A cold voice informed them. A second man with long blond hair also dressed in black stepped forward, out of sword/leg reach with a gun aimed at them. "Drop the sword and put your hands in the air."
Heiji, seeing no other alternative for the moment, did so.
"Waugh!" Kazuha fell, landing on her butt. "HEIJI!!!"
He blinked innocently. "What?"
"You didn't have to drop me!" She snapped, standing up and brushing the dust off the seat of her pants.
"What? You did -want- to be carried?"
Her cheeks turned red as she opened her mouth to retort. Gin cleared his throat, motioning for them to step forward with his weapon. The Kansai couple growled, but did as they were told, walking down the main aisle with their hands in the air.
"This is all your fault." Kazuha hissed.
"My fault? How is this my fault?"
"You just had to play 'Mr. Hero', Oh Great Detective. I just wanted to call the cops."
"You're the one who wanted to check up on our friends."
"Check up, yes! Bust in, no!"
The two of them stomped on stage, still trading arguments quietly between themselves. Vermouth looked like she wasn't sure if she should be puzzled, irritated or amused. "Lover quarrel?" She finally commented.
Shin'ichi shrugged. "Actually, we're not quite sure." Aoko nodded, seconding that option.
Ran seemed to be amused by the comment, but kept her options on that to herself. It wasn't her fault the others were too dense to figure things out on their own.
"You know..." Vermouth smiled and casually draped herself over Hattori's shoulder as he walked by. "If you' like to get a way from her, we could probably use someone of your skills in the Organisation.
Hattori sweatdropped nervously as Kazuha did a slow burn in the background. Aoko, Ran and Shin'ichi wisely moved as far away as they could while still being attached to the floor. A jealous Kazuha wasn't a pretty sight. "Uh..." Hattori stammered.
"Hey!" Kazuha charged forward, slapping Vermouth's arm off of Heiji. "Hands off of him!"
"Oh, I'm sorry!" Vermouth apologised, oozing false sincerity. "I didn't know he was -yours-. Is your name tattooed on him anywhere?"
Kazuha glowered, then shoved her hand down Heiji's shirt. Hattori stood very still, not quite sure what was going on, but afraid of risking the wrath of either female.
"See?" Kazuha demand, pulling Hattori's omamori out of his shirt, then fishing out her matching one from around her neck.
Vermouth glanced back and forth between the matching embroidered bags and the 2 teenagers for a moment before chuckling. "So..." She smirked "Not only does she have you on a short leash, but she's got you in a collar too?"
Hattori flushed red, but didn't refute it.
"Besides, -I'm- the only one allowed to mess with Heiji's sword!" Kazuha stated hotly.
There was a slight pause, then several people started to snicker. Hattori turned an even deeper shade of red. The angry girl looked around. "Huh?" It took a moment for her words to sink in. " Oh, You guys are all perverts!" She growled, crossing her arms and sulking.
"Yeah, but you're HIS pervert!" Shin'ichi pointed at the tomato-red Hattori, grinning like a wise-ass all the while.
"Nice Chaps." Kazuha growled.
"Hey!"
Ran giggled at her friend's affronted reaction.
Vermouth snickered, hiding it behind a hand. "Well, that answers that."
"If we could continue-?" Gin asked in a long-suffering tone. It was nice to see Vermouth enjoying herself and all, but they did have a job to do. "Before something else happens?"
Shouts came from outside of the auditorium, startling them. Footsteps pounded closer. Vodka ran down the aisle, his hat off kilter from where Kazuha had kicked him.
"Aniki!! We gotta run!" He yelped. "It's the cops!"
"Well, so much for fun time." Gin pointed his gun at the curled up figure of Haibara. "So long, Sherry."
"No body move!" Inspector Nakamori shouted as wave after wave of uniformed police officers charged into the room. "We've got this place surrounded!!"
"Shoot her later!" Vermouth grabbed Gin's arm and kicked a previously un-noticed lever built into the floor. The floor began to move forward, revealing a large radio tower mock-up in the back of the stage. "Vodka! Move it!"
The stout Black Ops member charged forward, following them behind the tower and disappearing from sight. The faster police officers chased after them.
"Dad?!" Aoko asked as she rose from her crouched position on the floor. "What are you doing here?"
"We got a notice from the Kid." Nakamori held up a slip of paper with a comical happy Kid face on the bottom corner. "He said he was going to steal the show."
"And I did too!" Dr. Agasa grinned.
Everyone turned to stare at Dr. Agasa, who reached up with one miraculously hand-cuff free hand to pull a rubber mask off of his head, revealing the Kid's smiling face, partially hidden behind his top hat and monocle.
"Kid?" Shin'ichi stared at him in shock. "What... Where's Dr. Agasa?!"
"Don't worry, he's safe and sound far away from here." The Kid said easily, rising from the wheelchair and shedding the overly large clothing. "I took his place just before we sat down for dinner. He just stopped by because he was looking for the restroom."
"Sounds like him." Shin'ichi muttered. Ran elbowed him for being rude.
"A word of advice before we part ways," The Kid sketched an elaborate bow over Nakamori's sputtering protests "Vermouth -did- set the mansion to implode if she got captured. Which will happen in about oh, 5 minutes-? Bai now!!!"
In a flash of light and smoke, the Kid disappeared.
"Do you think he was telling the truth?" Aoko asked, her voice only wavering a little bit.
"Do you think we can take the chance that he wasn't?" Haibara shot back.
There was a slight pause.
"Right." Hattori nodded, wrapping an arm around Kazuha's and began to walk out of the room, dragging her along with. "Off we go then."
A police officer with a pair of bolt cutters dashed forward as Nakamori shouted instructions over his communicator, instructing his men and everyone they could find to abandon the building. The Kid was a smooth fellow, but his warnings were generally correct.
"Alright!" Nakamori waved, motioning everyone to move. "Everybody out! Now! Move! Move!! MOVE!!!"
Hattori decided on a different battle cry from he and Kazuha's head start from the rest of the group. "RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!!"
And that's exactly what they did. Police officers, ex-employees of the castle and visitors poured out of the castle faster than shifting sand through a hour glass.
A ways out from the castle Aoko tripped and landing on something warm and fleshy. "Kaito!" Aoko squealed, wide-eyed from where she was leaning on him.
He gulped, preparing to be hit. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him, glomping him for dear life. "I was so worried about you!" She wailed. "There were guns and people in black and I didn't know where you were!"
Kaito stared in shock at the girl for a moment, then hesitantly returned the hug. He wasn't quite sure what he had done to deserve this, but he wasn't gonna argue it either.
Shin'ichi, Ran, Haibara and the Kansai duo stumbled past the embraced couple. "Aw, how cute." Shin'ichi teased.
Ran elbowed him for it. He had the grace to look sheepish.
"I've got popcorn." Kaito offered, not releasing his friend, who looked to be quite contented where she was. "I heard there was going to be some fireworks. You want any?"
"Ai? You think we're far enough away?" Shin'ichi asked.
The small girl pondered it for a moment. "Should be."
"Then it sounds good to me." With that, they all found places to sit on the grass, the couples pairing off as they got comfortable and passed the popcorn around.
"It's a shame about the Black Ops getting away." Hattori remarked, smiling as Kazuha draped herself across him to snatch a handful of popcorn.
"Yeah."
::BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!::
The building collapsed on it's self, sending a dust cloud into the air that shimmered and sparkled like a rainbow.
"Good ending for the day though." Kaito grinned, enjoying the implosion.
Ran grinned from where she was reclining against Shin'ichi's chest. They were both smiling, his arms wrapped around her. "I'd say so." She agreed.
****
"Snugglebunny!"
"Waugh!" Conan suddenly found himself glomped by a small warm body. "Haibara?! What are you doing?!"
The miniature scientist leered from a distance of about 6 inches. "Having a happy ending." She purred.
"H-happy ending?" Conan managed to stutter, sweating nervously.
"Yup." Much to his concern, she leaned in closer. "Ran gets Shin'ichi... and I... get... you."
Conan opened his mouth to protest that he and Shin'ichi were technically the same person then he realised that no, wait, Shin'ichi was off playing cards with Ran, so they couldn't actually be the same person and...
He pitched forward to rest his head on the cool surface of the desk.
"My head hurts."
****
-FIN-
Ha! I knew there was a plot in there somewhere! Haibara cloned Conan and grew a Shin'ichi for Ran. Then she gets Conan (for all you Conan/Ai fans) and Ran gets Shin'ichi, (for all you Shin'ichi/Ran fans) and everyone's happy.
... except for the Black Ops, who were trying to get their hands on Haibara and Shin'ichi and crashed the party, acting like members of the scientific community.
.... Right...
*chants* Lips! Lips! Lips!
... Sonoko's role ....
Usherette/Lips - Sonoko (she talks enough)
Dr. Frank-N-furter - Haibara (mad scientists unite!)
Janet Weiss - Ran (so sweet and innocent)
Brad Majors - Shin'ichi (lost and confused)
Brad Majors(actually) - Kaitou Kid (he just happens to look like Shin'ichi)
Riff Raff - Hattori (wouldn't go anywhere without Kazuha)
Magenta - Kazuha (wouldn't go anywhere without Hattori)
Columbia - Aoko (it just works...)
Dr. Scott - Dr. Agasa (he just needs the bathroom)
Dr. Scott - Kaitou Kid (but he's not really)
Rocky - Shin'ichi (in just 7 days, I'll make you a man)
Eddie - Kuroba Kaito (but he's not dead yet)
The Criminologist/Narrator - Conan (he's too young to be a normal cast member)
When ever possible, Call lines and actual quotes from the Rocky Horror Picture Show movie were used. (without permission, not for profit.)
Script with (some outdated but still funny) call lines can be found here: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/4198/rockyh.html
'Midnight Insanity' is the name of the local Rocky Horror Picture Show troupe. If you've ever seen Rocky Horror Picture Show on VH1 around Halloween, that's them. They're -good-. http://www.midnightinsanity.com/
Fic somehow ended up getting written for Lady Orla's fanfiction contest. Made a running joke out of #5: "If it is a murder mystery fic then a body falls down in front of Heiji."
Allll the dead bodies fall down in front of Heiji!!! Bwahahahaha!!!
Betty is the name of Dr. Tofu's skeleton from Ranma1/2.
'Kore wa Thrill Shock Suspense' is one of the Conan anime openings. The entire beginning, Conan Para-Para dances to it. He doesn't smile the entire time. Is freaky.
Para-Para is a style of dancing that's popular in Japan, based on memorisation and mathematics rather than actual grace and dancing ability. The closest example I can think of it is Line Dancing, except that you don't move your feet. Hmm... mebbe closer to the Macarena then.
Special thanks to my co-workers, Gary and Erika for spawning the Doritos discussion.
Hydrophobia is fear of water.
Arachibutyrophobia is the term for the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. This concludes our random fact of the day.
Leather chaps - See the cover to manga 38. *howls with laughter*
Was going to dress everyone up for the floor show, but felt too much like a pervert for doing so, especially with Haibara being so young. So Shin'ichi got tortured instead.
Anybody notice that when 'Dr. Agasa' is guessing how long Vermouth has been looking forward to getting Sherry back, he guesses the Kid's name? (1412)
Okay... no clue on the main ending, it just kinda took over there. Very very strange sappy.