Imp: -And today, we're putting you in drag!!!

Inuyasha: What? Why Me?!

Auto: It's not just you. Kouga, Miroku, Sesshou-maru and Jaken too!

Inuyasha *sputtering*: Wha- why not Shippou? Or Yo-yo?

Evil: That's Hojo and we didn't feel like it.

Auto: And Shippou's cute as a it is. And he's already got a bow in his hair.

*Shippou GRINS.*

Kouga: Why are you attempting to put us in drag?

Imp: Cuz we just finished watching some Slayers episodes.

Miroku: It wasn't even the episodes with them IN drag!!

Imp: So?

Inuyasha: No.

Evil: Yes.

Inu-gumi boys soon to be crossdressers: NO.

Voices girls and the neuter: Yes!!!

Sesshou-maru: I'll melt you.

Evil: Oooh!!! Me first!!! Me first!!!

Icka! *in the background*: I'm learning things about my Voices I didn't even want to know...

Miroku: Yeah, but what about Naraku? Doesn't the villain get tortured too?

Auto: We don't do torture fics.

Jaken: Oh, yeah? Then what do you call this?!

Voices: . . . . 

Morals: Look, it's a Voices fic. We have to re-tell a fairey tale or have SOME sort of plot to it!

Icka!: Plot?

Kouga: Wait... Why aren't you protesting this? Are you or aren't you a man?

Morals: I know better than to protest this. They'll stick me in a little pink chiffon number and sing show tunes.

Kouga: Whipped.

Imp: Oooh!!! Show Tunes!!! Hadn't thought of that!

*Assorted deamons and monks glare at Morals. He shrugs and quickly exits. He may be moralistic, but he does have a sense of self preservation.*

Shippou: I'm cute!

Evil: I hate to say it, but he does have a point. We need a plot.

Imp: And re-enforcements.

Evil: What?

*The Inu-gumi guys are cracking their knuckles dangerously, a murderous glint in their eyes. They just did a head count and realised they out number the Voices.*

Auto: Oops.

Kagome: We're Heeeere!!!

*Kagome, Sango, Kikyo, Rin and Kaede walk up, carrying Sango's boomerang, which has Naraku tied to it, sans-robe. The guys freeze.*

Evil: Yes!!! Girrrrrrrrrrl Power!!!

Imp *sniffs*: More like out-number power.

Naraku: help?

Auto: Wow. He's actually pretty cute under that robe.

Evil: I still get Fluffy.

Sesshou-maru: WHO'S Fluffy?!

Icka!: Guys? Plot?

Imp: We dress them in party dresses and make 'em sing Karoke!!!

Inuyasha: No.

Imp: Badly?

Kikyo: They'd do it badly anyway...

Kagome: A play perhaps?

Auto: 7 Brides for 7 Brothers?

Sango: No...

Kikyo: Guys and Dolls?

Jaken: No.

Evil: Phantom of the Opera?

Auto: Which version?

Kagome: That's not in drag...

Imp: It is now!!!

Kaede: Who's playing what?

Kagome: Who cares?! Just get them in costume!!!

--- Later ---

Jaken *quietly singing*: Little Lottie...

Kikyo: Who cast Jaken as Christine?

*All eyes turn to Imp*

Imp: Not me!!!

Sesshou-maru: Why am *I* Belladonna?

Sango: Jaken as Christine... that's so... so...

Evil: Wrong?

Sango: I was going for disgusting.

Kagome: Sorry, Jaken. You're demoted to Chorus Girl. Let's see your Can-Can.

*Using the Head Staff for balance, Jaken lifts his left foot, then his right foot in some sort of waddling dance. After a few of these, he gives up, turns around and shakes his butt at the girls.*

Jaken: I should be on television!!

Kagome *sweatdropping and slightly blue*: I said 'Can-Can', not your 'Can'.

Shippou *hops up and down*: I'll be Christine!!!

Sango: Actually, I think that particular torture, uh, honour should go to Naraku!

*A scream echoes from off stage.*

Kikyo: Strange. It's too early for the chandler to fall.

Imp *off stage*: Wait!!! I still have your corset to lace up!!!

*Naraku runs past screaming, wearing a skirt, no shirt and flowers in his hair. Imp is chasing after him waving a corset.*

Imp: It's not a bra!!! Honest!!!

Sango: On second thought, with a scream like that, cast him as Carlotta...

Kaede *with Rin and Shippou in the audience, eating popcorn*: Oh, just let the show start!!!

Kikyo: Right.

Evil: Places everyone!!!

*Curtain goes down. Cursing is heard behind it. Curtain goes up. More cursing. Inuyasha is standing in the middle of the stage, his face almost as pink as the dress he's wearing.*

Inuyasha: !@#&^(*&(*&%&^@!%$!@#!!!

Auto: It looks like something Tomoyo would design.

Sango: Too bad he's not as cute as Sakura.

*Both Kikyo and Kagome glare at Sango.*

Sango: What?

*Naraku gets thrust on stage, miraculously fully dressed, including corset.*

Naraku: Um... Ah... Ku! Ku! Ku!!! I now own this manga and your are no longer the title characters!!!

Inuyasha: Good. Then YOU can wear the !@#%&*^% dress!!!

*Everyone sweatdrops*

Kagome: Isn't it supposed to be a theatre?

Kikyo: Typical. Illusions of grandeur.

*Ominous harpsichord music. Naraku uses the distraction to escape off the stage.*

Inuyasha: NOW the !@$%& what?!

Kouga *off stage*: I'm not much of a man by the light of day-

Inuyasha: No yiff.

Kouga *still off stage, but rising in volume*: But by night I'm one hell of a la-la-lover!!!

*Kouga appears on stage, dressed like Dr. Frank-N-Furter, but with a mini-skirt and a mask as well.*

Sango: What the-?!

Evil: I think it's meant to impress Kagome.

Kaede: Is it working?

Kagome *eyes covered*: No.

*Inuyasha looks like he can't decide to implode with fury or laugh his tail off.*

Kouga *raising a haughty eyebrow*: You're just jealous.

Inuyasha: Why? Because your mother dresses you funny?

Kouga: At least I still have one.

Inuyasha *getting mad*: If I had the Tetsusaiga, I would-

Kouga: Ha! I don't need to hide behind a rusty katana all the time.

Inuyasha: At least I don't use Shikon fragments to hide my weaknesses!

Sango: I don't believe it. It's a cat fight between two dog deamons...

Shippou: At least they aren't slapping each other yet.

Kagome: Or pulling hair.

Kikyo: Oooo...

*Miroku, dressed in a tuxedo with a skirt, is suddenly pushed on stage. Being a man of the cloth, it's his responsibility to be the peace monger. With a nervous gulp, he positions himself between the two snarling youkai.*

Miroku: Check your scripts!! Christine and the Phantom don't fight!!!

Kouga *hotly*: So who does the Phantom fight?!

Miroku: The Phantom battles Raoul over Christine.

Inuyasha: And who are YOU supposed to be?!

Miroku: ... Raoul...

*The three men suddenly freeze, staring at each other.*

Icka!: Okay... I'm gonna intercede here. This is getting just a tad bit too ecchi for me.

Imp *whines, hopping up and down.*: But we haven't done anything yet!

Icka! *shakes head*: I KNOW you too well. End play!

Inuyasha: Thank Kami-sama...

Sesshou-maru *walking primly on stage*: So who was this 'Belladonna' anyway?

Evil: Spoil sport.

Kikyo: Bella dova was the Phantom's Mother.

Sesshou-maru: WHAT?!?! Even in THIS I have to be related to that trash?!

Kagome: Wow. From 'filth' to 'trash'. I think Sesshou-maru's starting to like Inuyasha...

Jaken *whines*: But I didn't get to sing...

Icka!: You can sing next time. 

Morals: Turn about's fair play. Next time the girls get to be in drag.

Kouga: That's no fun. Stick them in fukus too!!!

Kagome *brightly*: Okay!

Inuyasha: No fukus.

Miroku: Victoria Secret, maybe? Or perhaps Fredrick's...

*All pause, looking at Miroku.*

Miroku *innoccently*: What?!

Icka! *sweatdropping*: And on that note... *hangs a sign on the bottom of the page*

Finis.