Notes:
Oyaji: What Inuyasha calls his father. Not exactly the most polite way to say it.
Ofukuro: What Inuyasha calls his mother. Much more polite.

Otousan (Father)

By Icka! M. Chif

Sometimes I hate my father.

I never knew him, he died before I was born. I think. I don't really know. All my earliest recollection are of my mother. Ofukuro loved me dearly, I could always feel that about her, wrapping around me like a blanket. 

But she was always sad, too. It clung to her like a nightshade perfume, rich and cloying. She loved my father with all of her heart that she didn't reserve for me.

She never talked about him. From watching human villages from the outskirts, I've often heard mothers say to their children 'Oh, you've got your father's eyes' or 'your grandmother's nose' or any various other body parts and temperaments. But I never did. 

Sesshou-maru has the same white hair and gold eyes that I do, so I must assume that Oyaji did as well. But I'm not sure. I'm pretty sure that if I ever did meet my father, he'd say that I looked just like my mother, even with my youkai colouration.

But wouldn't that be amusing, if the reason why Sesshou-maru hates me so much is because I remind him more of our father than he does? If I looked more like Oyaji?

But I'll never know. Oyaji is dead. And that's that. 

The only time I've ever seen Oyaji is when Sesshou-maru pulled his grave from my eye. And then he was a majestic pile of bones. Awe inspiring in size and aura of power that remained, but a pile of bones none the less.

It's hard to tell much about someone who is your 'flesh and blood' when all you can see is their bones.

I think in a round about way, having his grave hidden inside of me was his way of telling me that he did care for me. That he wouldn't trust anyone else with the honour of guarding his grave. 

Just in the same way that he gave me the Tetsusaiga to control his youkai blood in order to protect me. He gave me the sword to protect myself, there fore protecting his grave from sacrilege. 

Which is one of the reasons that I sometimes hate my father.

From an outsiders point of view, it may seem that my life has been random, chaotic. It's supposed to look that way, even to me. But if you look closer, my entire life has been carefully orchestrated. 

Half youkai, half human. Never fitting in to either side. 

When I was younger, I used to curse at him for making me a half breed. Why couldn't he have chosen a full youkai for my mother instead of a human? Why couldn't I have been stronger, to protect my human mother?

I never voiced that around Ofukuro, but I think she some how knew. She tried to be careful to shield me from the worst of it, but the fact that I didn't fit in on either side of my heritage was drilled into me since I was very little. 

I learned the youkai side of life was a bit easier than the human. If one was fast and strong, you didn't die. That's all there is to it. 

Then there is the Tetsusaiga itself. I can't use it in defense of myself, no. It can only be used to protect humans, like Ofukuro. Or Kagome, who was the one to pull it out in the first place. 

Real subtle hint there, Oyaji. He -wanted- me to be in the company of humans, even if they are weaker. It won't hurt a human, but it quite cheerfully will massacre youkai. 

Just what is that saying about Oyaji anyway? He gave me a weapon to exterminate his kind, but protect his wife's brethren. Did he hate being a youkai? Being the most powerful lord of the west?

Some times I hate my father. I don't understand him at all. I suppose I should be grateful to him, but I just can't. 

He's gone. He's dead, and he left Ofukuro and me all alone to fend for ourselves. And because of that, Okasan died. A large portion of her died when he did, but the rest of her stayed around to help me become strong. Because of him. 

When she died, my last real link to Oyaji died too. Sesshou-maru doesn't count, he'll never answer any of the questions I have about him. And I can't trust Myouga to tell me the truth about him.

So when Ofukuro died, I was left alone. With so many questions, and no way to solve them. 

I've proven myself stronger than my father by killing the one that killed him. Even with my frail human weaknesses, I'm still stronger. 

But that doesn't give me the answers I crave.

I hate you Oyaji.

I miss you too.

fin.