Crackfic for Icka - response to dare
Crack crossover fic written in response to a dare from ickaimp, after I made a joking response to her Kaitou Kid: The Grey Zone/Highlander crossover, which can be found here. Didn't intend to give it a post of its own, but it was too long for the comments box (phooey).

Don't think daring me will produce other fic though! See, normally when people dare me, I ignore it. But you oughta SEE the teeth on this plunnie. Fangs the length of my arm. It got a good hold on me and... anyways, for Icka:

Disclaimer: So not mine, totally Icka's fault.

♦ ♦ ♦

Stealing Immortality
A Kaitou Kid: The Grey Zone/Highlanger Fanfic
By Jaelle

♦ ♦ ♦

Kid snickered to himself as he padded through the corridors of the museum. This job was going to be a cakewalk, no doubt about it. The security systems were lousy, the locks were a joke, and the guards were non-existent.

Of course, he hadn't sent a warning note yet, so that might be different by this time next week.

It wasn't his usual procedure to case a joint as the Kid before doing the actual job. But unfortunately the private museum of Monsieur Hulôt was not open to either Kaito Kuroba or any of his other possible aliases, the blueprints had been lost in a fire several years previously, and basically he didn't want to waste a day inventing someone to get in. Chat Noir had not been able to help either, although she graciously gave her permission for the heist.

"But of course, mon cher. I shall look forward to hearing about it. And tell your most adorable detective that I wish him the best of luck."

"Him, not me?"

"Mais oui. We are thieves. We do not rely on luck. We leave that for les police. They need it more than us, oui?"

"Most certainement."

Kid eased through the doorway like a... well, phantom thief, and paused, taking in the inner sanctum of Hulôt's collection. Ooooh, and the security system in here had gotten an upgrade recently too! Now it was only FOUR years out of date. Kid was hard-pressed not to sneer as he carefully watched his footing and began to scan the room for the item he planned to steal a week from now.

Across the room, a matching door opened and a tall, good-looking woman entered, a confident smirk on her face.

Both faces went blank when they caught sight of each other, neither really believing this was happening.

*I can't possibly get caught like this!* They both thought.

There was a long, long pause.

Neither of them screamed for the guards.

*They're a thief too!*

Kid eased forward into the dim light. "Bonjour mademoiselle," he started, with a very bad French accent. "Umm..."

"Kid! Kaitou Kid?!" The woman exclaimed in English as she got a better look at him. "What are you doing here?"

"... sight-seeing?" Kid suggested, in the same language. "What are you doing here?"

The woman stared at him for a long moment. "I don't believe it. How on earth do we keep meeting like this?"

Kid was awash in a sea of confusion. "Huh?"

"I mean, it's been twenty years," the woman squinted at him. "You haven't aged a day..."

She stepped back abruptly, reaching inside her jacket. Kid had a horrible sense of déjà vu as she withdrew a rapier and pointed it in his direction.

"I don't know how I missed it last time, or how you got so close this time without me noticing," the woman said tensely. "And I remember your reputation for non-violence and the fun we had last time ago, so I'm hoping that we can avoid needless bloodshed."

"That would certainly be MY preference." Kid put his hands in the air cautiously. "Mademoiselle...?" he trailed off hopefully.

"Amanda!" She looked hurt. "Darling boy, how could you forget me?"

"Uh, I think we might be misunderstanding each other a little bit, Mademoiselle Amanda."

Amanda suddenly looked disgusted and lowered her sword. "Oh don't tell me you don't know! Let me guess, you had an accident recently and thought you were dead, and ever since then weird things have been happening to you?"

Kid thought about it for a while. Weird things had been happening AROUND him for quite a long time, but he didn't think they were the same weird things that this Amanda person was talking about. Besides, he was usually the one causing them to happen in the first place.

"No..." he said finally. "Not really."

Amanda looked confused. "You haven't been... Challenged... or anything?"

"Uh, usually I'm the one doing the challenging." Kid pointed out. If Amanda really knew him then she should surely know THAT.

The sword came up to point at him again. Clearly he'd said something wrong.

"Would you mind putting that down? I really don't want to fight," he asked, smiling as sweetly and harmlessly as he could.

"Hmph, that attitude won't last you long."

"It's worked pretty well for me so far!"

"But you just said..." the sword began to lower again, slowly. "Challenges?"

"To the detectives," he reminded her. "To try and catch me."

"OH!" She lowered the sword again. "THOSE kind of challenges! Be more specific next time."

"Right." Clearly the woman was completely insane.

"So, you don't know what else I might have been meaning?" Amanda gave him a searching look.

"Nooo... should I?"

The two of them exchanged suspicious looks.

"It's just that, challenges and this lifestyle..." Amanda paused. "I guess I have to ask, are you planning on living forever?" She watched his reaction carefully.

Kid froze. Did she know about Pandora? He felt a chill of fear go down his spine. "Immortality? Don't you think that's a little over-optimistic?"

"Over-optimistic?" Amanda glared at him narrowly, and lowered the sword. "What do you mean by that?"

"I don't know, what did YOU mean by it?"

"I asked you first!"

"'I asked you first'??" Kid repeated incredulously. "How old are you?"

The sword came back up. "Aha!"

"Aha? What aha?" Kid felt like tearing at his hair. "I accuse you of being juvenile and it's 'aha'?"

"Sure, that's what YOU say."

"Yeah that's what I say!" Kid wondered if he'd ever had a conversation this bizarre before. Well, there was that one time when he and Hakuba had discussed what kind of supernatural creature they'd be in an alternate universe and he'd come up with the theory of a zombie-attached Hakuba and his reaction to his magician-master eating pixie-sticks, but... he was getting distracted now.

He drew a deep breath. "Amanda-san, I assure you, I have no idea whatsoever about anything you might be talking about. I'm just here for the jewel in the third case to your left."

"Amanda-san?" Amanda was amused. "You used to call me Amanda-chan."

"I assure you, I've never met you before in my life!"

She pouted at him. "How can you say that? Alright, so it was just that one night in Calais, but still. Remember when you poured champagne into my cupped hands and drank from them? And then we..."

Kid blushed a violent crimson. "Please stop! I think we both might be making a huge, gigantic mistake!" Oh damn it, his voice had cracked on that last word.

Amanda was still in the throes of an apparently very passionate flashback, "And then you... what's wrong with your voice?"

"Nothing's wrong with it!"

Except for the fact that the last sentence had been delivered in a rather high-pitched squeak.

Amanda paced slowly towards him, avoiding the floor sensors as she did so. When she reached about halfway across the room, her eyes widened. "You're not him! You look like him, and you sound like him, but you're not him!" She concentrated briefly on his features for a moment, and then enlightenment dawned.

"His son?" She asked gently.

There was a long pause before Kid nodded, still blushing.

"And your father?"

He looked away.

"I'm sorry," Amanda's voice was kind. "You're right, we were both making a huge mistake." She straightened up and coughed. "So, you're probably curious now."

"No, I'm not," Kid assured her. "Far from it. Honest. I just wanted to get a look at the layout of the place before I come back next week for the jewel."

"Ah," Amanda nodded wisely. "Good plan. I'm here for that statue by your elbow. Mind if I grab it now?"

"Not at all." Most of the flush had left his cheeks now, and Kaito tried to gather himself together again. "Want me to throw it to you? That way neither of us sets off that alarm net that's blocking the middle of the room, which would result in even more confusion and an extremely embarassing arrest for both of us."

"Perfect."

End

A/N: Ending kind of dribbled away. Ah well.

back?