Disclaimers: Kaitou Kid is the property of Gosho Aoyama. Lupin, Fujiko, Jigen and Inspector Zenigata are the property of Monkey Punch. The Grey Zone Universe was the cracked out idea of Icka M. Chif. No infringement intended, blah blah blahdiddy blah.

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The Grey Zone: Ruby / A Detective's Lot is Not a Happy One
by Jaelle

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"My, my. Is that a ruby in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Kid paused halfway out the window, and looked back over his shoulder. The woman standing in the doorway smiled at him seductively, pushing out her... assets as she did so.

"Uh, it's a ruby," he said, and shot her a quick grin. "Nice meeting you! Bye!"

He kicked off and out into the night air, his glider wings smoothly catching an updraft and wafting him away from the shouting police, annoyed detectives, and one ENORMOUSLY pissed off woman who spluttered speechlessly in the room he'd just left, while two other men collapsed in hysterical laughter at her feet.

"Did you... the NERVE of that... OHHHHH!!!" she snarled angrily. "I bet he's gay!"

Lupin the Third stood up slowly, clutching his sides in pain, while Jigen just rocked on the floor in silent gales of laughter.

"Never mind Fujiko honey, I still love you."

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"And then what happened?"

Hakuba shuddered, a wild look in his eyes. "And then... and then he said... 'The ice will hold our weight – keep going'. And we drove across the river... and the cars were falling through all around us, and then there was this massive cracking sound and it broke beneath us. I sent Watson away, and jumped clear and so did he, then we both tried to outrun the cracks. I nearly made it, but I had to swim the last metre or so. And then he was shouting at me to keep going... and some woman went past us on a motorcycle and he started chasing her... and the yelling... and, and, and..."

"And?"

"And that's when the runaway circus careened through the field, and some clowns grabbed me, and we chased after the people in the mini, and Watson didn't come back because there were lions, and tigers, and bears."

"Oh my."

"We followed the mini up the hill and through the tunnel... and then we heard the train whistle blow. So me and the tigers jumped clear, and then the train hit the trucks, and then the rest of the police reinforcements arrived, and while they were organising to continue the pursuit I convinced a nearby farmer to give me a lift home."

Kaito patted the lump of blankets that was all he could see of his detective soothingly. "There, there, it's all over now."

Hakuba whimpered. "I want to go back to Japan, when all I had to worry about was robot duplicates, hang gliders, and disguises."

"And a huge secret organisation that wants to kill us."

"Did I mention the part about the bull in the field and Inspector Zenigata's red tie?"

"... Japan it is."

End

A/N: Okay, I KNOW Icka's done a "something in your pocket" fic, but I don't think it was quite like this, so hopefully all is well. For those who don't get the joke, Fujiko Mine is the "sex siren" of the Lupin the Third universe, and Lupin has the SERIOUS hots for her. She can get almost anything with her "feminine wiles". Just... not this time. *grins*

A/N: He's just so cute when he's traumatised.

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