Setting: A random fic set vaguely in ickaimp's The Grey Zone universe. All thanks to Icka as usual for not minding me playing in her Universes.
Disclaimer: I don't know how those characters got in my fic, officer. (Translation: they ain't mine!)
Rating: G.
♦ ♦ ♦
The Grey Zone: Evidence Never Lies
By Jaelle
♦ ♦ ♦
"He did it."
"You sure?"
"Positive."
Kaito considered the facts of the case. "Nah. I think it was his wife."
"And that," Hakuba replied smoothly, "Is why YOU'RE the thief, and I'M the detective."
"Like YOU could crack this case."
"I already have," Hakuba said smugly.
"We'll see."
A few minutes passed.
"There. Told you it wasn't his wife."
"Yeah, but the same evidence just ruled him out too!"
"... I hate this show."
"You're just jealous that Grissom-san is a better detective than you are."
Hakuba bridled and pulled his attention briefly away from the television set and the latest episode of CSI. "Grissom's NOT a detective, he's a criminalist!"
Kaito chuckled. "He reminds me of you."
"He is nothing like me!"
"Oh? It must have been some OTHER detective I saw wandering around that house spraying every available surface with luminol while searching for evidence, then."
Hakuba grumbled and scrunched closer as he thought of a response. The two boys were sprawled messily over the couch and each other. Both had drinks within easy reach, but no snacks, having agreed after one particularly gory episode that it was best to save food till afterwards. Autopsies and popcorn just didn't go together.
"I'll agree with one thing Grissom always says," Hakuba conceded finally. "The evidence never lies."
"Hmmm."
"Argh! Now you see, THAT is why I hate this show," Hakuba pointed. "DNA technology. Do you have any idea how big a headache that is?"
"I thought it was helping solve crimes," Kaito pointed out.
Hakuba made an irritated gesture, and accidentally elbowed Kaito in the side. "Sorry. Yeah, for murders and stuff where they can't find any other evidence to work out who did it..." there was the faintest hint of condecision in his voice at that. "But now everyone thinks it's the miracle solution for everything! Do you have any idea how many times we've been asked why we don't use DNA technology to find out the identity of the Kaitou Kid?? Every damn time there's a heist, some idiot reporter pipes up about it, and then we have to explain that it's no good unless we have someone to compare it against!"
He shot an accusing look at Kaito, who returned it blandly. "Sore point?"
Hakuba calmed down a bit. "Just a bit. And of course before we can even compare DNA we first have to FIND some. It's not as easy to find as this show makes out." He frowned. "We practically comb every single heist site to find hairs, skin fragments, anything. Our poor DNA specialist Fujiwara..."
"Fujiyama," Kaito corrected.
"Oh, yeah, Fujiyama is always swamped for days afterwards running hairs and fibres, but it only ever turns out to be from the police themselves." Hakuba sighed. "Maybe Kid wears a hairnet or something."
Kaito snorted rudely and silence fell as the show concluded.
"Ha! Told you he did it! DNA evidence isn't always perfect," Hakuba crowed as Grissom hauled an obscure biological fact out of thin air and successfully caught the murderer.
"Yeah, yeah, what do you want, a prize?" Kaito yawned.
"That would be nice," Hakuba smirked and leaned in for a kiss. Halfway there he paused.
"Kaito."
"Hmm?"
"How did you know the name of the taskforces' DNA specialist?"
Kaito smirked.
End
♦ ♦ ♦
A/N: I was trying to think of other fictional thieves to cross into icka's The Grey Zone universe, and then I got this idea. Oddly enough, I once started a CSI/Detective Conan crossover, but it has joined many of its associates in "unfinished fic" hell. And as for why Kaito calls Grissom "Grissom-san" and Hakuba doesn't... uh, it's because he's used to always using honorifics, whereas Hakuba's living both in Japan and England means he's more comfortable with dropping them. It has nothing to do with my dorkish belief that "Grissom-san" said in a Japanese accent would be one of the coolest things around. Nope, not at all. Quit looking at me like that!